Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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