Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
