That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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