we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
