new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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