Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
