Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
