Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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