I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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