this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
