Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
