He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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