did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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