We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
