ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
