i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
