I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
