you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
