Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
