This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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