He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
