They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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