I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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