Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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