I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
