You really coming over, don't trick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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