guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
