Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
