Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
