Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
