It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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