This is not my ceiling
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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