one might say we're banned from that church
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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