Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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