I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
