he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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