Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
