I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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