3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
