checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
