i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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