A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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