K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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