Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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