did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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