I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
