I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
