Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love black thongs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
