I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
