I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
