hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
