just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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