he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
