About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
