I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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