U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
