so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
