Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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