just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
