Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
