You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
