I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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