I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
