Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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