mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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