how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
