My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
