How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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