So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
