i need an iv and a liver transplant
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
