her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
