I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
