Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
