Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My vagina is very pro this idea
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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