We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
