There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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