I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
