If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
