Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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