i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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