im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
