well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
