morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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