Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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