i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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