just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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