so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
