I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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